Mood:
sadNow Playing: Watching: CSI
I honestly just wish I would die right now. I am such a piece of shit, I need to be put out of everyones misery. I am a miserable person. Why would anyone want to be with me? I don't understand. I took the pills, I took them and I shouldn't have. I am so disappointed with myself... and I don't think anyone understands besides the 2 aarons- a friend online and my brother. They know what it's like... I don't think anyone I talk to does. I just want to die... that's all I feel right now. Grief, like someone has died... and maybe I have... inside. I feel like God turned his head from me. Like he just can't watch... he doesn't want me... no one does. And if they do they're insane. I asked my mom to go out in the car and get my C.D. It's a Christian C.D. and I need some positivity. I shouldn't have asked her, I'm just a problem. I don't do anything around the house, I don't help out with anything... I'm depressed and fat and most of the time I smoke too much and can't breathe. I hate me... I hate everything about me. I'm talking to Aaron right now- the friend. My brother Aaron is in prison right now... I wish I had him here with me. But he doesn't need to be bothered with my problems... he's in prison and there's nothing I can do about it... and neither can he. I love him so much... he screws everything up and now I'm following the same path... what can I do? I'm not strong... I'm just not... I don't know how to handle any of this. I'm going to listen to my C.D. and just relax... I hope... Maybe Paul will come on and make me feel better. I just don't want to share with anyone... I have counseling tomorrow... I feel like crap and I don't know what to tell her... I just sit and sit and sit... saying nothing... Anyway... I'm out for now... If you're religious or spiritual, pray for me.