Mood:  down

Well, not much is going on right now... watchin' some Family Guy and relaxing before bed. I hope I can sleep... I took the last of the ultram- yes, I feel insanely guilty... but it's like I can't stop myself. So they're gone now... I hope it stays that way. I have been begging God for strength... but I haven't recieved it yet... I need help... and I don't know if God is really listening. I have good friends and I'm really blessed to be where I am... I just don't know how I'm going to handle this. Anyway, not much is going on... I don't know if I'm going to stay up and wait for Paul or just go to bed.

My doctor today told me that I need to have the lap banding done. She's the 3rd doctor to tell me that... I'm considering it... Anyway... I'm hoping things work out for me... I know they will... I just wish I wasn't such a disappointment for my mom.